Currently Listening And She Closed Her Eyes By Stina Nordenstam see related

I guess I was thinking the other day out loud with a friend.  Kind of went something like this:

I've been feeling lost as of late and it's not because of the onset of LOST the tv show at our house lately.  It has to do more with who I am as a person.  I've been struggling so much with identity.  I feel like I'm at this point in my life of uncertainty along the lines of what I should be doing.  Half of me feels like I want to be young again and just do things without regard.  This doesn't mean throwing out responsibility because I know I can't go back to those days, if they ever even really existed.  The other half of me wants to be making a living with a family at my side.  I think what it boils down to mostly is that I'm not exactly happy where I am, and I'm not so sure I want to change it.  Although, I'm pretty sure I will, and it's just the act of doing it that is so hard.  Wish me luck!

The other out loud conversation with a friend went like this:

I'm not so sure I am happy being a Christian right now.  Sure, I believe in God, the holy trinity and all that stuff and I am actually enjoying attending church at the moment, but there is something that doesn't feel right about being a Christian at the moment.  I explained myself to a friend and it was quite confusing and hopefully this is less confusing, but here it is.  There is God, and he is working all the time, though much of it we don't see.  What we do see is amazing, whether it's spiritual or physical.  Mostly what we see is the physical if you believe in creation.  So God created all this stuff and did all these things, and yet none of it was Christian or even in the name of God.  True, God did these things for himself/herself but it was just an act of who he/she is.  I began to think of the things I am doing, and even moreso, I began to think of what it means to be a Christian.  It was all these rules and different things I was supposed to do and most of them were not me.  I was feeling a total sense of displacement in the church and as a child of God.  It was as if I couldn't be myself and be a Christian at the same time.  I guess to conclude things a little, I decided I need to live as myself.  This doesn't mean I am living for myself as a selfish man.  What it does mean is that I am going to do things in a fashion that's my own.  The hard part about this is that the church and many Christians can't accept this.  This is exactly what is giving me that lost feeling, and it is not right.  Even though I am doing things in my fashion (who I am), I am living in light of what God has done for me.  My life is then a unique response to God and not some uniform Christian saga that we all know the ending to.  I don't know if that makes sense at all.  My friend seemed to say something that hit home, "God doesn't want Christians, he wants people!"